Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
