1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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