I wish life had little blips of pornography
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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