I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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