It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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