I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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