I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
