i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
