tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
