So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
