Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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