if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
