yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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