the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
