I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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