overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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