I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
