So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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