I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
