I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
