I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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