She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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