So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
