i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Someone signed my nipple.
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