I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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