I want to walk on stilts...naked
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
