The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
