The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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