it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize