Actions speak louder than pants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize