The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
