I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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