Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...