if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I smell like bad decisions