If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill