Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium