That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.