apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER