You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
