even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
