TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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