Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
