I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
