I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.