so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
