just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"