I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.