WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
