dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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