I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
