see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
