Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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