I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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