How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize