dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
