you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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