question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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