We won't sleep together?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
