I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
