how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize