he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
