Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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