i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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