the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
