Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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