yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize