FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
