I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
