True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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