Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
