Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
